I was doing pretty well today, almost feeling human, and that part of my brain that is in denial about how hard it really is to function when I'm having a bad day kicked in.
This isn't really so bad, my brain says to itself. Really, it's a matter of just putting my mind to it. Just get up and go. You'll feel better once you do. There are all these things that need doing at home after work. I blame myself for just not trying hard enough up until now, and start to become optimistic about what I can accomplish in one day, if I just apply myself.
That's where I was about an hour ago. Never mind that my test results show that something chemically unbalanced is happening system-wide that could certainly cause these symptoms. Don't know why they're messed up, but the fact that they are is measurable. But when I'm not feeling flattened I'd really rather just believe it's just a lack of discipline on my part.
Then the fatigue kicked in a few minutes ago, and it's like my brain has hit a wall. My eyes are watering and I'm yawning like I didn't sleep a wink last night. My brain is as thick as... well... something really thick and opaque (too tired to be creative) and wrapping my brain around my current task at work is do-able, but just.
I really, really, really don't want to be this clobbered by tired when I go to Jumpcon at the end of next week. I'm seeing some improvements with what the docs are trying, I think, since I am having 5 or 6 hour stretches when I almost feel like me. They said it could take a month or two to really kick in. Meanwhile, heat is still my arch enemy, and I cycle between hours of dumb and hours of mostly having it together. Which is better than sleeping for 14 hours and being near useless for the other 10. So I guess we're moving in the right direction.
Ok... Break's over. Back to work.